In the past, I always wanted to be seen as smart, interpreting the world through a logical and precise perspective. I came to the most rational conclusion, believing I was just being honest and truthful in my perceptions. I wanted to ensure I was aware of the emotions of those around me, making sure I was in the loop on how they were feeling, their inner thoughts, and their interpretation of the situation. But the truth is, you will never know what someone else is truly thinking. You may come close, but the truth can never truly be known. In the end, you’ll waste so much energy trying. So you might as well choose a belief that serves you.
We've all been there. Abby reassures Joe about a timing delay on their project, intending to convey understanding, while Joe interprets the reassurance as indifference and lack of concern. Or, during a team meeting, Daisy expresses disagreement with a proposal in a calm and reasoned tone, but Drew perceives it as criticism and hostility. How does that happen when both were part of the same discussion?
The answer: Perception.
Every person is unique. Every body, brain, and spirit glimmers with defining qualities and unique experiences like no other. These experiences shape who we are and how we view the world. Each interaction, relationship, and moment come together to create your very own interpretation of the world. A web of life on this earth like no one else. This web is carried with you everywhere, a lens through which you view the world.
We all have biases, whether we like to admit it or not, a frame or viewpoint that allows us to interpret experiences in the world around us. Some view the world as a beautiful sanctuary of peace and positivity, opening their front door every morning with a smile on their face; others, wearing a perpetual frown, see the world as a sorrowful, vengeful place. Most of us fall somewhere in between, swaying slightly one way or the other depending on the day. Each of these continued perceptions creates a relationship to the world, filtering to form our very own internal reality.
Why am I telling you all this? With practice, this internal reality can be altered. We can choose to view the world in a different way, to curate our lens. Choosing to think positively is such an easy thing to say, right? I would be rolling my eyes right about now if I were reading this. But the truth is that, slowly over time, you can curate your thoughts the same way you curate a life for yourself.
We do it without noticing all the time. Focus your thoughts on something, and it becomes prevalent in your life. It may sound cheesy, but your energy goes where you direct it. And when you exert energy through negative thoughts, soon they become negative thinking patterns or a negative perception of the world.
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
― Lao Tzu
In the past, I’ve always operated under the belief of “preparing for the worst.” I’d prepare myself for the worst and hope to be happily surprised. Better that than to get your hopes up and then be disappointed, right? Or so I thought. I found I’d spent so much energy focused on things that could go wrong, how to prepare for them, and I directed all my energy toward that negative thought process. My mindset suffered for it.
Let me wrap this into an example: Even in June, Lake Michigan has a lovely average temperature of 70 degrees. As I’d walk to the water, the sand softly curling around my toes, I would prepare myself for the brutal cold or hope that the bite wasn’t as shocking.
I have found that giving into that worry, that pessimism, has always made me feel like it wasn’t a rush of relief when it had turned out better than assumed. By thinking of a few things that could go wrong, I had prepared my body for battle, and it was determined to fight one whether it was necessary or not. My cortisol shot up, causing so much stress.
Nowadays, I still have those thoughts, but I try to replace them with positive thoughts instead.
To be clear, I’m not asking you to imagine the lake water will be as warm as bathwater; that type of optimism is a one-way train to disappointment. Instead, I take on the mindset that yes, it’s going to be cold, and it will be so refreshing and wake me up, and I’ll be so energized.
I challenge you to spend a full 24 hours assuming positive thoughts. A full day of optimism, assuming the best in others, in yourself, in the world. Not immediately resorting to anger when someone cuts you off on the freeway, assuming it was a simple mistake, as we all make. Assume you’re good at your job. Assume you will make a positive impression. Assume you are confident in yourself. Assume you are deserving of happiness. Assume you have the skills to overcome obstacles. Assume everyone is doing the best they can.
Live in a positive mindset by shaping your own reality and embracing a positive outlook.
To clarify, this is not blind positivity or artificial happiness. It is NOT pushing down emotions as they rise. Feel the emotions as they occur, allow them to rush over you and be heard, digested, evaluated, and released. Then, move forward with positive perceptions. It can be difficult and might feel impossible at first. Personally, I catch myself a million times ‘preparing myself for the worst,’ assuming skepticism and doubt.
But I’m not asking you for forever. Just 24 hours. One day of your life. Assume the best, experiment with this mindset, and see if it changes your point of view. Remember: We all view the world through lenses anyway; we may as well curate the lens to create something beautiful, just as sunglasses bring color to the landscape.
- The Mindset Architect
Forward Coaching Team
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